


Sometimes, A Feeling

by BeautyGraceOuterSpace



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Guilt, Human kisses, M/M, Vulcan Kisses, expressions of love, spirk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-04
Updated: 2018-10-04
Packaged: 2019-07-24 22:22:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16184363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeautyGraceOuterSpace/pseuds/BeautyGraceOuterSpace
Summary: “Hey, Spock?”“Yes, Jim?” Spock stood at attention near the door, anticipating that they would soon be leaving for the mess.“Don’t take this the wrong way, because I am totally fine with it--- that sounds bad, what I mean is… just… why do you kiss me so much?”





	Sometimes, A Feeling

**Author's Note:**

> I was looking through old drafts and found a few that were polished enough to post. This was my first ever Star Trek fanfiction, and it was written for a Secret Santa event in 2016. Enjoy!

After they began their relationship, Spock suddenly started a whole slew of new habits that left Jim endlessly confused. 

For one, Spock frequently held out his hand in a request for a Vulcan kiss, which Jim happily returned, pressing the pads of his fingers to Spock’s gently with a smile. It began a few months into their 5 year mission. 

Jim had been sitting in the captain’s chair for Alpha shift, Spock at the science officer’s station, Uhura at comms and Sulu at the helm. Spock finished up the report he had been working on and brought it to Jim for approval and sign off. Jim signed, and as he handed the PADD and pen back over to Spock, Spock had brushed his fingers against Jim’s. At first Jim had thought it an accident, but then Spock had never been so careless with his movements. Spock hesitated with his index and middle fingertips against Jim’s, and Jim held his hand there in kind, glancing questioningly up to see the hint of a green flush coloring his first officer’s cheeks, spreading to his ears. 

“Mr. Spock?” he questioned quietly, not wanting to draw unnecessary attention to the moment but not understanding. 

“Thank you, Captain,” Spock had said, turning and reseating himself at his station. 

Later, when they found themselves alone in the ready room, each reviewing briefings for an upcoming landing party mission, Spock broke the silence. 

“It was a kiss,” he said quietly, his eyes never leaving the PADD in his hands. 

Jim looked up. “Say again?” Spock met his eyes and lowered the PADD to the table. Reaching across, he held out his hand questioningly. Jim stretched his own hand out in return, and Spock gently pressed their fingertips together again. A warmth spread through his hand, and Jim smiled softly at Spock. 

“It is a Vulcan kiss,” Spock repeated, hesitantly. 

“I like it,” Jim smiled, shifting slightly so they could rest their hands on the table without breaking the connection. A tension left the room, and Jim could see Spock visibly relax. They returned to their reports, an easy silence falling over the room as their hands touched. 

“You totally kissed me on the bridge, I’m telling Starfleet on you,” Jim said smugly into the quiet. 

“Then I shall have to tell them of your many breaches of regulation as well, Jim,” Spock said flatly, and it was only due to their years of interaction that Jim knew he was kidding. 

 

* * *

 

If they were alone, Spock frequently began initiating human kisses, as well. Jim told him he didn’t mind the Vulcan kisses, and that he didn’t want Spock to do anything that made him uncomfortable, but Spock reassured him that he found lip to lip contact equally pleasing, which Jim had to admit was kind of a mood killer. Leave it to Spock to make kissing sound like a science project. 

Eventually, it became a common occurrence to see the two of them giving each other little pecks, both with hands and mouths. No one thought much of it after a while, but it lingered in Jim’s mind. For previously being so standoffish, hands behind his back, the perfect picture of a regulation first officer, it seemed Spock had quite a penchant for affectionate touches with Jim.

 

* * *

Jim finally found out the reason for Spock’s blatant shows of affection. 

They were sitting together in Jim’s room after a shift, preparing to meet Bones in the officer’s mess for a late breakfast. Jim, feeling thirsty, asked if Spock would get him a glass of water. Spock did so, and as he passed the water to Jim, let his fingers linger in a kiss. Jim drank the water, placing the glass on his desk, and turned to Spock. 

“Hey, Spock?” 

“Yes, Jim?” Spock stood at attention near the door, anticipating that they would soon be leaving for the mess. 

“Don’t take this the wrong way, because I am totally fine with it--- that sounds bad, what I mean is… just… why do you kiss me so much?” 

Spock looked shocked for a moment, before quirking an eyebrow questioningly. “Do you wish for me to stop?” 

“No, no, not at all just… I don’t know, you used to be so… not touchy-feely and now… I’m just curious. I like it, honest. Just wondering.” Jim shrugged lamely, feeling color rise to his cheeks as he fumbled over his words. He truly didn’t mind Spock’s shows of affection. In fact, he had come to enjoy them. They were as much a staple in his day as making the little vein in Bones’ head pop out: necessary at least twice a day. He expected Spock to blow him off; for all that he was more open with physical shows of affection, Spock’s other mannerisms remained very much intact. He was the picture of propriety, and the essence of poise. He settled down a bit when they were alone, relaxing some and letting slip little comments that, while uttered with the utmost sincerity, Jim could now identify as jokes and making him laugh. Spock even cracked a small smile now and again. They were happy. They balanced each other. They knew each other. 

But Jim did  _ not  _ expect Spock to go downright rigid with tension before deflating like a balloon, and it scared him. 

"Spock? Are-are you ok? Look, I’m sorry, alright, I didn’t mean anything by it, I was just--” Spock raised a hand to cut him off, walking to the bed and lowering himself to perch tensely on the edge. 

“You have not done anything wrong, Jim, nor have you offended me. I was simply not expecting the question. It is… complicated.” Jim cocked his head to the side, leaning against his desk and indicating that Spock could continue when he was ready. Spock sighed softly. 

"It is… not easy for me to express the depth of my... “ Spock faltered, hanging his head as though shamed by some perceived sin, “feelings.” 

Well, of course it wasn't. He was raised Vulcan. Jim knew this, it was part of why he was so confused. But Spock shouldn’t be ashamed of that! “Spock, you don’t have to--”

“However,” Spock pressed onward, “the loss of my mother brought to my attention my previous lack of endearment with those I cherish.” 

Oh... _ oh. Oh, Spock.  _

It took Jim a moment to find his voice. Softly, he said, “Spock--” 

“I...regret deeply that I never vocalized explicitly the depth of my feelings for her prior to the destruction of Vulcan. I shall regret it for the rest of my life.” Here, Jim had to speak up. 

“Spock, she knew that you loved her,” Jim said quietly, moving forward and crouching before Spock’s hunched form, taking the warm hands between his own and entwining their fingers, offering what comfort he could, but not wanting to overwhelm Spock when he was so clearly struggling. 

“Be that as it may… I should have more openly expressed to her what she meant to me. A mistake I do not wish to make with others I care for. But my Vulcan nature makes such tasks… difficult.” Spock hesitantly met Jim’s eyes. Jim smiled at him, sadly. “Jim, I simply wish for you to know that I--” Spock trailed off, frustration evident in his expression. “I--” he tried again. Jim let out a breath of a laugh. 

“It’s ok, Spock. I get it.” Jim maneuvered their hands into a Vulcan kiss, pressing his forehead to Spock’s. Their eyes closed, Spock returned his gesture with a human kiss, pressing his lips gently to Jim’s for a moment before pulling away. Jim stood, pulling Spock to his feet, and they made their way to the door. 

 

* * *

 

 

Later that night, as they lay together in Jim’s bed, Jim on the verge of sleep, breaths heavy and even, and Spock resting perfectly still beside him, Jim heard him whisper: 

“I would follow you anywhere, Ashayam.” 

And Jim didn’t know exactly what that word meant, but he thought he had a pretty good idea. So as he drifted off to sleep, he quietly murmured: 

“I love you too, Spock,”  


End file.
